The Top of the Hill

The following was a message given to the William & Mary community as part of "One Last Thing...": an event in which seniors are selected to answer the prompt "If you could speak to a group of William & Mary students about absolutely anything, what would it be?" To visit the website and read other seniors' responses, please visit onelastthing.weebly.com.

“If you could speak to a group of William & Mary students about absolutely anything, what would it be?”

This prompt seemed to have an additional poignancy behind it given our current circumstances. I, quite literally, cannot speak to any of you right now. Ideally, we would all be gathered on the Sunken Gardens, on what is hopefully a sunny and pleasant day in Williamsburg. But instead, you are looking at a screen, as you have been for these past weeks, and I am currently doing my best to retain your attention.

Every single one of us is missing something about William & Mary right now. Whether it’s the people, a good study spot, the dogs, or just being on campus—it’s almost overwhelming to think about how much has been lost in these past couple of months. As a senior, these sorts of nostalgic thoughts are always followed up with the realization that I will not be coming back—not as a student, at least. I have never so vividly understood the phrase “You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.” This entire experience is something I did not value enough when I was in it, and now that graduation is so close I can’t help but feel a little jealous of all the other students who will get that opportunity to see their friends again, go to that study spot, pet a dog in Merchant’s Square. It was always true that these years are meant to be lived to their fullest, but now more than ever we are pondering what that entails. In thinking about what made my time at William & Mary so valuable, I suddenly found myself with something to talk about, but no one to say it to—until now.

So I’d like to begin answering the question with another question: When was the last time you had a “top-of-the-hill” moment?

You know that feeling when you’re at the start of a rollercoaster climbing up, up, up the incline—that achingly slow crawl to the top, when your adrenaline is pumping and you can’t think about anything else but what’s to come? It’s that heart-racing, mind-numbing, stomach-sinking-to-your-feet kind of feeling when you’re excited, afraid, or both. That’s what I’d like to refer to as a “top-of-the-hill” moment, and it’s one of the most powerful ways to be reminded that you are alive.

Disclaimer: I am not the biggest fan of rollercoasters. But I have ridden enough of them to know—and most importantly, have lived enough of life to know—that a top-of-the-hill feeling can be found outside the confines of a thrill ride. By the sheer unpredictable, dynamic nature of life, we have the ability to experience it in seemingly endless forms. It’s those times when you’re confronted with a decision that will change your life forever—and it can happen with both your feet planted on the ground, when you least expect it, right at William & Mary.

College is filled with “top-of-the-hill” moments. It is a time of uncharted independence and self-discovery. It is a time to take risks, make choices, accept mistakes, and learn lessons. In other words, college is meant to be lived boldly.

I’ll resist a “For the Bold” joke and instead encourage you to ponder these words seriously and personally. Boldness manifests itself differently in each of us; it’s just one of the things that makes us so interesting and unique from one another. I’m willing to bet your boldness has also led to some of your most wonderful, unforgettable memories at William & Mary. We sometimes forget how beautiful and terrifying it is that our experiences there truly are formed by every choice we make. It is within our power to make the most of these four years we have been given.

While I was at William & Mary, the times I found myself at the top of the hill definitely led to some of the most wonderful, unforgettable moments of my life. Sometimes they were little things, like signing up for a class I knew nothing about. Sometimes they were bigger, like running for an executive position in a club. But each event was prefaced by that paralyzing second of thought. The circumstances may have varied, but the feeling was always the same. I felt myself at the edge of some unknown, uncomfortable with the uncertainty. This was the second part to that “top-of-the-hill” moment: the pause at the top, where you see and feel everything at once and you think about what’s going to happen next. You can throw your hands up and enjoy the ride. You can scream in terror and hold on for dear life. You can even think about how much you regret getting in that car that brought you there, if you want–the point is you get to choose how you respond to this moment. No matter what, the drop is going to happen.

I will say, though, that the most rewarding experiences came from leaning into it: turning the fear and doubt into exhilaration and excitement. You have arrived at the top of the hill for a reason: through your own hard work, your own previous choices, maybe a little twist of luck. But they are also presented before you as reminders that life is not meant to be lived in stagnancy. We are constantly being challenged to recognize and own our opportunities for growth.

And no matter what happens, you will get off this ride, and you will take something meaningful away from it. Maybe it’s that it wasn’t for you and you wouldn’t want to do it again. Maybe you would like to go for it again—explore new heights and see where they take you. Maybe you loved every minute of it, and you would never have known that if you hadn’t climbed on in the first place.

It’s not just college or William & Mary that’s for the bold. Life itself is for the bold. And you—yes, you, reading this—are bold. What has amazed me the most, as someone looking back on these formative years, is an idea that’s rather simple: even when you think you can’t do it, you can. You are capable of so much, perhaps more than you can comprehend in this moment.

A lot of what you miss most about college may have very well started with these top-of-the-hill moments. From here, my hope is that you not only face these moments head-on when they come to you, but actively seek them out. Run for that position. Go to that club meeting. Take that trip. Send that text.

Do not be afraid to give yourself that chance.

Fill your years at William & Mary, and the many, many years to come, with top-of-the-hill moments. Surprise yourself, and do not let your fear of the unknown keep you from striving for more. And the next time you find yourself at the top of the hill, I hope you will find the courage to enjoy the ride.